Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
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Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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