We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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