Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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