I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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