Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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