Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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