I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
