I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
