I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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