I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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