I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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