when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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