guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
its not stalking. its research.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
