I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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