honey bunches of taint.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize