Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
