I wanna bring you to show and tell
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
