So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
