i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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