make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize