You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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