the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
