TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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