I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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