she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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