Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
