I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
