just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
