His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
