You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
