So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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