So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
