dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
