if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
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