we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
