somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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