tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
