hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
