If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
