My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
