Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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