I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
