I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
