I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
