I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
