Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize