Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
