She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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