I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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