I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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