i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
