Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
