porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
