garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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