dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
