toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
