He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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